38 lessons
What I learned during my wife’s illness and lung transplant. The first one is the one I come back to most.
These come from the end of Lessons from a CF Cornerman. Each one makes more sense with the story behind it, so if one lands for you, the book is where it came from.
- 1
Show up.
- 2
Sometimes you have to trust your instincts, take a risk, and not focus on the worst that could happen.
- 3
Pick your battles but argue for the things that matter to you; it is better than holding a grudge.
- 4
Be thankful.
- 5
Ask a lot of questions and understand that you provide value even if you are not a medical expert.
- 6
Sometimes the best way to take care of someone else is to also take care of yourself.
- 7
Do not mourn for somebody that is alive.
- 8
Two steps forward and one step back is still an improvement.
- 9
Understand that things may not be as bad as they seem in the moment, give yourself time.
- 10
Do not take the worries of others onto your own shoulders.
- 11
There is nothing to be gained by comparing your pain with the intent to prove you are suffering more than others. You will only demonstrate that you lack empathy.
- 12
You have to celebrate the small victories because they add up to big victories.
- 13
Every day may not be a good day, but recognize that it is good to have that day.
- 14
Listen to what your loved ones want, even if it is not what you want for them.
- 15
Look for those things that bring joy and make them a part of your routine.
- 16
If you have the opportunity, laugh.
- 17
Writing down your thoughts can provide the impetus you need to move on.
- 18
A full night’s sleep, whenever possible, must be a priority.
- 19
Make the time to maintain an exercise routine.
- 20
Plan for the worst, plan for the best, and plan for everything in between.
- 21
Be aware that when you get something off your chest it could end up on someone else’s shoulders. Sometimes there is little value in setting the record straight.
- 22
There is no way to do everything for someone else all of the time. Try to recognize when and how you are needed the most.
- 23
People will respond to what you provide. If you want them to help you stay positive, show them how.
- 24
Don’t be discouraged if you fall short. A failure today may be a blessing in disguise.
- 25
Try not to complain. Somebody always has it worse. Particularly, try not to complain to them.
- 26
Those who are not there do not need to know every detail in real time. Be present.
- 27
There’s a thin line between telling nurses how to do their job and advocating for a loved one. Be aware of it, but know that you can dig your heels in.
- 28
Do not hesitate to ask for help.
- 29
The risk of being too hopeful then getting let down is a better option than expecting something miserable from the start.
- 30
If you feel like you’re losing, keep fighting. You never know when something as simple as a single call can change everything.
- 31
Be aware of the mood and try to affect it in a positive way.
- 32
To stay motivated, maintain a vision of the future you want and try to imagine living it.
- 33
When you realize that someone’s disrespectful actions will continue, address them head-on.
- 34
Never underestimate that boost you can get from the support of others.
- 35
Mental recovery, like physical recovery, takes time and requires a surprising amount of patience.
- 36
The point is not to have a beautiful moment on that last day. The point is to have a beautiful relationship.
- 37
Even after a relationship is damaged, continue to look for diplomatic routes to resolve issues. Conflict should remain a last resort.
- 38
We do not have control of much but we can decide how to interpret events, how we want to view the world, and how to respond to the situations we find ourselves in.